StinkyLulu's Barfy Oscar Predictions

Twas the night before Oscar & all over the net.
Filmfags were spinning theories & laying their bets...

But StinkyLulu long ago stopped trying to predict what would or should win at the Oscars. Others (upon others) are much more skilled than little ole Lulu. Nevertheless, StinkyLulu does have passionate opinions about all matters Oscar. Further, for the first time in years -- nay decades -- StinkyLulu's not watching Oscar in the context of an Oscar party. Nor is Lu participating in any sort of betting pool. Nor is Lulu watching along with millions of others who share a hi-speed internet connection. No, lovely reader, StinkyLulu will be enjoying the OscarCast in the relative peace, quiet and internet-free-zone of GrannyStinky's house. (See, StinkyLu stays with GrannyStinky 3-4 nights a week & Sunday's one of Lu's regular nights.) All of which means that StinkyLulu is without the traditional sense of Oscar community this year.

So -- even though StinkyLulu tries not get all snarkymean too too often -- the Oscars are a special occasion & StinkyLulu has elected to inaugurate a new Oscar tradition. A tradition of community, comradeship and hilarity through which you -- lovely reader -- might share some of Lulu's inevitable pain on Oscar night.

StinkyLulu's BARFYs!!!
Wherein StinkyLulu anticipates throwing up just a little if the following names are called on Oscar night. (Nothing against the individual nominees, mind you -- at least not in most cases.)
  • BEST ACTOR: Philip Seymour Hoffman. Yeah, yeah. Uncanny. Also boring, obvious, & emotionally bereft showboating. What's really uncanny is how well that man plays self-obsession.
  • BEST ACTRESS: Judi Dench. Luv huh. But the Dame farts & scores a nomination these days.
  • BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Frances MacDormand. Not quite a Dench-syndrome, but close.
  • BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Paul Giammatti. If none of the other nominees were any good, to make up for Sideways and American Splendor -- MAAAAAAYBE... But not in this field. Sorry. Plus when you're a not-pretty actor working in Hollywood you pretty much HAVE to be as good as you were in this movie. So nopers.
  • BEST SCORE: John Williams. Now, this one won't be a little throw-up -- this'll be a "batten down the hatches" barf-o-rama. Goldarnit, nnnnoooooooooooo!
  • BEST DOCUMENTARY: March of the Penguins. Never thought the wingnuts could get the Lulu mad at penguins, plus the movie's contributed several new iconic moments of lame.
  • BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Paul Haggis, Crash. Multiple storylines cleverly converging around a unifying theme of social and emotional significance don't automatically make something great -- if you doubt, watch any episode of 7th Heaven. Plus StinkyLulu still hates you for the fact of Million Dollar Baby.
  • BEST DIRECTOR: Paul Haggis, Crash. See Best Original Screenplay.
  • BEST SONG: Anything but Dolly. O'course.
and don't forget about the
  • SPECIAL TECHNICAL BARFYs: Any award going to Geisha, War of the Worlds or King Kong. Which means that vomit's guaranteed during Best Sound Editing.
For most of the rest of the biggish categories, and skipping over the shorts (cuz hey who doesn't), Lu wouldn't gag if any of the nominees won, including Best Picture. But there's really just one category where Lu truly liked everything.
  • THE ONLY TRULY SAFELY NO-BARF CATEGORY: Best Animated Feature. All pretty great, really.
Can't wait for the broadcast.
And do think of StinkyLulu anytime a Barfy is awarded.
It promises to be a technicolor night.

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