If StinkyLu were the Oscar Fairy...

You devotees of ModFab have likely already seen the ModFab6 Oscar'06 Round-Up. But as a special treat for you, lovely reader, if you are interested in still more PrognOscarcation, consider StinkyLulu's full-out Oscar fantasy. It appears below, along with the prompt from ModFab maven, Gabriel.

Modern Fabulousity
Oscar Predictions: Tell us who SHOULD win in each category. If you were the Goddess of Oscar, who would you anoint?
Hmmmm. If StinkyLulu were Goddess of Oscar....
If StinkyLulu were Goddess of Oscar, the following scenario might well occur:
  • Only selected "Very Special Lulus" would be awarded, and none would go anywhere near the extravagant rumpledness of Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
  • Shirley MacLaine would get a special Lulu for "Unrelenting Fabulousness" (Dolly could be the presenter) -- not a a career award, mind you -- merely a just acknowledgement for her consistently redemptive presence in any number of otherwise annoying films this year.
  • Heath, Keira, George & Rachel would all get "When You're THAT Pretty, You Really Don't Have to Be THAT Good" Prizes for their career re-charting performances.
  • Michelle Williams would get a special "It's OK to Be Happy" Medal.
  • David Straithairn would get the "You Can Be My Daddy" Statue.
  • JakeG would get a "Thanks for the Nekkid" Award.
  • All nominees in all categories would get a special "Free Pass to Work With Ang Lee" certificate.
  • Amy Adams would get to wear StinkyLulu's special "Princess of the Party" tiara.
  • Dolly's song "Travellin' Thru" would win by acclamation as all the acting nominees would rush the stage to get down with some fierce trannies reinterpreting some vintage Debbie Allen choreography.
  • Everyone would forget all about Best Picture, because who cares really. (Puh-leeze, StinkyLulu's been watching the Oscar telecast with religious/fiendish devotion for more than a quarter century -- ! -- & still like to never gives a crap/JoanRivers by the time it rolls around to the last prize of the night. Unless someone real kuh-raaazzy's presenting it, like Bette Davis or Elizabeth Taylor. But that's a rare delight.)
All told, it would certainly be a Lulu of a time.
If StinkyLulu were Goddess of Oscar, that is...

But before you get your hopes up, be sure to reminisce with StinkyLu's Oscar'05 Re-cap. A useful reminder of just how awful Gil Cates can be.

Reports of RateYourStudents.Com's Demise Have Been Exaggerated!!!

Sure looks like RateYourStudents is back. And, from the look of things, it promises to be better than ever...

So a big Yay to "The Professor"! (Thanks again for alleviating the occasional aches and pains brought on by teacherly exertion. The site really does help...more than anything over-the-counter/bar ever could.)


Guaranteed Sex Appeal

from Mandate: The International Magazine of Entertainment & Eros
February 1980, page 48.


The Perils of Pervy Pisspots

The men's room just a few paces from StinkyLulu's office also just happens to be a notorious "cruising" spot on the campus where StinkyLu teaches.

It's a strange situation. It's the bathroom closest to Lulu's office -- the only other john anywhere close by is actually in one of the theatre dressing rooms, and the next-nearest is upstairs and on the opposite side of the building (clocked at a 9-minute roundtrip).

This pervy potty is just across the hall. And not only does Lulu consume vats of Diet Coke on a daily basis, but the fact of Lulu's teensy bladder necessitates frequent visits to the water closet. But it's tough to know how to feel when a simple jaunt across the hall to pee also obviously interrupts someone else's anonymous debauch.

Here, it's worth clarifying: StinkyLulu's never really "gone there" in terms of the whole anonymous bathroom hookup thing (despite the centrality in StinkyLulu's adult life of libraries and college campuses -- some of the only non-truckstopish environs wherein such proclivities continue to flourish). That said, the practice of bathroom homosex has always been the subject -- simultaneously -- of involuntary fascination, vicarious thrill, and intermittent revulsion for StinkyLulu. Plus there's the "strange-but-true" fact that bathroom sex is nearly a primal scene of homosex for the Lu. Way back when Lu was a wee little Stinky, just a Little Lulu as 'twere, StinkyLu stumbled into one of the most legendary homosex bathrooms in Albuquerque: Men's Bathroom, Sears, Coronado Mall, circa 1977-1984. It was around 1980. StinkyLu went in. Noticed that it seemed awful crowded. Stood awkwardly, certain that there was a line for the pisspot that Lu hadn't quite yet recognized. Then a man. In a stall. Wagging his wiener and wiggling his finger. It was -- it seemed clear -- an invitation. To something. Stunned, Lulu fled. (O'course barely a year or so later, Lu realized the nature of the venue & the invite & then proceeded to spend much of a pent-up adolescence mourning the missed opportunity.)

Anyway. The Lu does digress.
Back to the tawdry toilet across the hall.

Started out the school year wanting to be "polite" -- tossing out a gentle "ahem" or loud stomp to warn potential busyboys that a civilian was entering the nasty zone.

Then, ever the student of human behavior, StinkyLulu opted to approach it as something of a research opportunity -- noting evidence of the standard bathroom-sex strategies. (Bags pushed up to conceal the view of the footwell; jackets tossed over the tops of the stall doors -- StinkyLulu fergits what this actually means but Inez once told Lulu it meant sumpthin' to the Tearoom Trade; "tap foot" messages scrawled in the grout; almost over-powering cologne -- don't ask; etcetera, etcetera). Lulu's "clever" research tactic lost its appeal one afternoon when Lu recognized an acquaintance exit the bathroom, trick in tow. Ideals of social-scientific objectivity finally squashed & leaving behind a sticky mess.

Now, it's official: Lulu's just annoyed.
It's not hot. It's not cute. It's not subversive. It's just squicky.
And Lulu just wants to pee.


Stinkylulu's WednesDAY OF BEAUTY

Central Avenue SE • Albuquerque, NM • February 2006
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12th Street NW • Albuquerque, NM • February 2006


Monday Monday

What StinkyLulu's Been Thinking About All Day:

Original Broadway Cast of West Side Story
Winter Garden Theater, New York City, 1957.

e sure to check out Mod Fab6's 1st "This Week in Modern Fabulousity". Fun fun fun for all.


Forgetting to Eat + Tortilla Pie

Really shoulda taken a picture of dinner last night.

Just spent a few moments over with Dr.S, reading, heartstruck, her beautifully spun recent post about food. Especially profound is the way Dr.S "smites" with the revelation: "I have lost my appetite again." Now, it may surprise some of you lovely readers to know that StinkyLulu knows what that means. That Lu -- who happened to be consuming Valentine's peanut M&Ms by the handful while reading Dr.S' prose, a fact which will remain acknowledged but undiscussed -- also forgets to eat, especially when consumed by satisfying work. Really, it's part of a more general experience that is obstinately opaque to those who don't share it. And it provides a simple reminder that Lulu's relationship to food is oddly, if consistently, disorderly -- very occasionally disordered -- but more frequently just disorderly.

Of course, of the two, MrStinky is the one who's completely food obsessed. MrStinky's the one who plans meals days in advance, who fasts so he can feast, who's a trained nutritional consultant. Meanwhile, Lu'll casually share at bedtime about having not eaten anything since breakfast & MrStinky'll be all "whaddayamean you forgot to eat?" MrStinky's also the one who's skinnyskinnyskinny. Lulu, on the other hand, is a big boned gal. It's a curious discordance.

Yet Lu loves food and, just last night, after forgetting to eat all day, StinkyLulu concocted a favorite signature recipe. So, as testament to the strange discordance of Lulu's food life, now's as good a time as any to offer StinkyLulu's first recipe:

StinkyLulu's Tortilla Pie*
: Almost stale flour tortillas. Almost old pinto beans. Leftover pork roast. Can of black olives. Scoop of hot salsa (Sadie's works real good). + Gobs and gobs of cheese (cojack works best).
Assembly Instructions: Mix scoop of salsa into pinto beans. Slather butter all over the bottom of a baking dish. Place a tortilla or 2 -- torn into irregular chunks of about 3" -- along bottom of dish. Scoop bean/salsa mixture to cover. Toss hunks of roast, crushed olive chunks, and gobs of cheese (grating unnecessary). Repeat layering until out of ingredients or space, whichever comes first. Be sure to save some cheese for top of dish.
Cooking Instructions: Place dish on a cookie sheet & put uncovered into oven, preheated to 350 degrees or so. Cook the fuck out of it. (Usually at least 75 minutes) When all bubbly & crusty, remove from oven, stir all to hell, & let rest for at least 30 minutes. Serve however. (Leftovers can be reheated for most of the following week.)

*Please note that the "pie" in "Tortilla Pie" -- while clearly acknowledging the influence of FRITO PIE -- also signals the simple fact that the word "pie" has a magic effect of making anything sound tasty, decadent, & homemade.


Brokeback Panic: Geek Edition

Yesterday afternoon, The Stinkys discovered a unexpectedly open 3-hour window of time. It being Friday -- a matinee seemed an ideal option. It being the provinces in February -- the pickings were slim. So The Stinkys settled on a piece of patently low-brow, cashmongering Hollywood pap.

Arriving to the googaplex, The Stinkys piled onto a longer than expected line right behind a gaggle of about six guys. Clearly good buds, all probably in their first or second year of college, either of a gangly or globular build, each of whom would likely prove to be quite competitive at an open casting call for the next season of Beauty and the Geek.

An agitated, chattery pair -- boy-girl dyad -- arrived to stand in line behind the Stinkys. The boy-half of the dyad possessed a voice that, with every utterance and inflection, sang in what Lu can only call "geek dialect." (You know the voice: high throated, characterized by vocal strain, staccato rhythm, & sharp shallow gaspy giggles.) This new guy -- Lu'll call him "Uber-Geek" -- recognized the gaggle just in front of the Stinkys.

Uber-Geek hollered something to catch the geek gaggle's attention. The gaggle turned to see the source of the voice & appeared immediately visibly aggrieved by Uber-Geek's presence, the presence of Geek-Girl & The Stinky buffer notwithstanding. Then -- somehow the fact of Brokeback Mountain bubbled into Uber-Geek's banter.

UBER-GEEK: "Heheh. I won't go within a mile of anywhere showing that movie."
GEEK-GIRL: "They're showing it at this theater."
UBER-GEEK: "Well. I won't go anywhere near the bathroom then."


UBER-GEEK: (to GEEK-GIRL) Jeremy saw it! (then really loud, for theatrical effect, to GAGGLE) Hey, Jeremy! You coming back to see Brokeback AGAIN!?!? How many time's you seen that movie?!? Heheheheh.

(GAGGLE collectively sighs. Some eye-rolling occurs. JEREMY -- one of the GAGGLE, almost cute, due for a haircut & new pants -- replies, matching UBER-GEEK's volume and theatricality.)

JEREMY: It's only my 4th or 5th time!
UBER-GEEK: (Low. To GEEK-GIRL.) Toldja. Heheheheheh.
JEREMY: (Low. To self more than GAGGLE, not quite smiling.) Wish I knew how to quit dat movie...

The scene played on, with UBER-GEEK being increasingly, insufferably show-offy for GEEK-GIRL's benefit (?).

But, through it all, seemed pretty clear that JEREMY was the real Geek catch of the day.


For That Super Sexy Disco Feeling

From Mandate: The International Magazine of Entertainment and Eros
November 1979, page 83.



One of StinkyLulu's secrets -- not so deep, and not that dark -- is that Lulu's Crafty. Or, more precisely, StinkyLulu's capable of getting real crafty. (Not always a good thing.) And, most frighteningly, StinkyLu is subject to crafty fantasies. (Gratefully, for much of the past decade, StinkyLu's craftiness has been productively diverted toward a nominally respectable craft/obsession: quilting.)

Lately, however, StinkyLulu's been so busy/distracted/delirious -- so much so that quilting's not getting done. At all. And that quilting vacuum creates a somehow dangerous space, makes room for crafty longings, stirs the desire -- yea verily -- roils the lust for such perilous pleasures as vicarious crafting. [Insert ominous music cue here.] Of course this latest faux-hobby is delivered via "idiot box" most mornings & comprises StinkyLu's latest teevee fixation: HGTV's Crafters From Coast To Coast.

It's on HGTV so you know right away it's gonna be really a sorta awful show. But golly it's nifty to wake up to! The preternaturally pert host Angela Martinez (less a "host" than a "random tv-segment wraparounder") introduces 3 crafters/artists from various corners of the country, each of whom -- through the magic of television -- guides the viewer step-by-step through the creation of their signature craft. You get it all: polymer clay perversity, fused glass party games, contempo-heritage candelabras, WTF. It's really the whole kaboodle (& it comes in a kit!).

But the part that Lulu finds particularly enthralling is how these apparently decent folks all seem to have received the same "coaching" prior to filming: BE AS F-U-N AS POSSIBLE! And, really, it can be somewhat alarming to see each these sincere women and men all turn their charm knobs to 11. Puts the erk in perky, the ook in kooky... and yet it's just the kind of trainwreck Lulu loves. The only problem is that it's all kinda hypnotizing...the sincerity mixes with the creativity and combines with the quick editing to show all kinds of things that you can give as gifts or maybe even sell at summer craft fairs and gallery collectives. The only limit's your imagination! (gasp!!! Breathe, Lulu, breathe dammit!)

These are not always the best thoughts to put in Lulu's susceptible noggin, specially right at dawn. Starts Lulu to fantasizing about mod-podging ornamental geegaws into freestanding canine sculptures, or making hairbows out of candy wrappers and safety pins, or even worse.
It's really just not safe. Not at all.

But dang it's good teevee.


StinkyLulu's WednesDAY OF BEAUTY

For a good while, StinkyLulu's wanted to start an on-line gallery featuring images of especially -- ahem -- impressive hair salons. In particular, the Lu has an abiding fondness for those extra "punny" names that seem to pop up in each & every locality... You know the sort.

This week seems as good as any to finally get things started on this new Stinky series: StinkyLulu's WednesDAY OF BEAUTY. Each week StinkyLulu'll offer a photo of a very special beauty shop -- particularly punny, extra wiggy, alarmingly fabulous -- each week'll be an adventure. (An extra fun adventure, lovely reader, if you send pics of your favorite beauty zone...just a thought. Hint hint.)

Kicking things off is SHEAR FREEDOM -- a little shop on the edge of Taos, New Mexico. Just off the main drag, on an alley -- this admittedly blurry photo comes from Fall '04...


A Very Stinky Valentine's

Happy Valentine's Day, lovely readers.

The Stinkys collaborated on the crafting of this hodgepodge self-portrait some time ago. Dare ya to guess who's who...

It's the Stinkys' 3rd Valentine's Day together.

3 Stinky Valentine's. That simple fact still amazes the Lu to no end. Really. Who'da thunk't? First, that StinkyLu'd be so lucky to have a MrStinky. Second, that MrStinky would be such a sweet silly sexy goofball. And third, that each Stinky year'd be so much sweeter than the one before it. All of which got the Lu to thinking back on the gifts that StinkyLulu gave MrStinky on previous Valentine's Days...
Sure. Valentine's is sorta a totally BS made up holiday. But for someone like Lulu, who never ever in a million gazillion years thought a true love would land, Valentine's becomes a day to be grateful. For the magic and marvel of simple love.

Love is sweet.
And worth the work. And the willingness. And the willingness to work.
Be sure to tell your friends.

Gratefully yours,


The ModFab6 Has Arrived!!!

Oh. Oh. Oh.
Lovely readers, StinkyLulu's heart swells.
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It's official. Thanks to your unfailing discernment & unflinching loyalty & unabashed cronyism,
StinkyLulu made the cut!

StinkyLulu's in The ModFab6!
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Click on ModFab6's kicky new logo to be whisked off to Nathaniel's
introduction/inauguration/coronation. (Look for StinkyLu's
own breathless acceptance ramblings in the next day or so...)

So, thanks beloveds.
StinkyLulu's curious about how this fandango will play & is grateful to have lovely readers like yourself along for the inevitable hoots & hollers.


Franklin Cover (1928-2006) in THE STEPFORD WIVES - A Great BM Tribute

A week ago today, Franklin Cover -- veteran character actor -- passed away (or, as waaay too many headline-writers wagged, "moved on up").
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Franklin Cover's one of those actors that really are part of StinkyLu's heart. So even though it is a little late, Franklin Cover's due a BM Tribute...

StinkyLulu fell in love with The Jeffersons in reruns, during the early 1980s, while doing math homework. And strangely, that abiding fondness may well have been all Franklin Cover's fault. See, StinkyLulu just cannot stand Sherman Helmsley but StinkyLulu fell in love with the show, mostly because StinkyLu just loved Isabel Sanford, Marla Gibbs and -- most especially -- Cover's televisual "other half" Roxie Roker. Though StinkyLu rarely noticed it at the time, Cover's chemistry with the women on that show is palpable -- kind, silly, sweet, goofy...everything that George was not. Truly, it seems to StinkyLulu that Franklin Cover's Tom Willis contributed something essential, maybe even the glue, that helped that ensemble to hustle for 10 seasons, the only one of the great Norman Lear sitcoms of the 1970s that never totally lost its initial spark.

Which is possibly why it was such a scary shock to see Franklin Cover as Ed Wimperis in the 1975 version of The Stepford Wives. See, StinkyLulu first screened the 1975 Stepford on home video in the verrrrry early 80s -- before noticing Mr. Cover on tv -- & of course the proto-feminist Lu loved it. While rereading the novel & rescreening the 1975 flick prior to the 2004 devastation of the story, StinkyLulu was all excited to see Tina Louise. The Lu totally remembered that Ginger played the glamorous & smart Charmaine, the tennis diva married to the doughy white guy whose transformation was so awful and chilling. (Indeed, for years, StinkyLulu would point to Stepford as the film that proved once-and-for-all that Tina Louise did indeed have chops as a dramatic actress. Lu stands by that claim, but demurs that it's a question for the ages.)

But imagine Lulu's shock, horror and thrill when Franklin Cover popped up as Charmaine's Stepford Husband, the somewhat devastated baddy who nonetheless bulldozes Tina's tennis court!?!? OMG. That quick sequence of supporting scenes Freaked Lulu the F*CK out. In 2004. Mostly cuz of Mr. Cover. (How cool is that?)

So, hey Mr. Cover, thanks. Held your own with two of StinkyLulu's most revered tv sitcom beauties (not to mention one of StinkyLulu's most loathed sitcom monstrosities) & somehow came out of the jaunt your own actor. That's good tv.



It's an HONOR just being NOMINATED...

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Who knew Award Season would involve lil' StinkyLulu!

Seems that a teensy weensy bit of self-promotion got StinkyLulu into the FINALS for a new feature at Modern Fabulosity. See, Gabriel of ModFab's aiming to assemble a handful of "color commentators" for events of note & current issues of the day. (Maybe like The View or The McLaughlin Report or maybe even Beavis & Butthead.) Gabriel's calling these folks "The ModFab Six". (Sounds like a really sparkly superhero team, don't it?) It's a chance to bring the Lu's scintillating wit & generalized snark & occasional academentia to a national platform. No tiaras or scepters or glittery sashes are involved (at least not yet) -- but StinkyLu's still way psyched at the possibility.

But first there's agonna be a ModFab6 Smackdown to whittle the 11 finalists down to the actual ModFab6.

And that's where you, lovely reader, come it. Please do consider tossing your support to StinkyLu. All you gotta do is send your vote/s (for as many as 6 candidates) to modern.fabulousity AT gmail.com. Voting will go through Sunday morning (2/12) at 11AM US EST, with results being posted on Monday.

(Lu's please to be part of the crew -- been a fan of BrilliantAtBreakfast's JILL and Nick of Nick's Picks for some time. But it'll be fun, no matter. Just toss your 2 cents in.)

for those of you new to StinkyLu: Welcome!
(Check out links below if to get to know StinkyLu a little...)
The Perilous Pleasures of Frito Pie
Charo Rocks!
El Otro Vegas



Rateyourstudents.com: RIP?!? (AKA wha' happened?)

One of StinkyLulu's most favorite recent sites -- RateYourStudents.com -- might have just kicked the virtual bucket. Today, a click on RateYourStudents.com routes to a site very different than the site Lulu had come to so love. For the last few months, as these cached archives of RateYourStudents.Com clearly show, the site has provided an uncommon forum for various faculty-types, along with their greatest sympathizers and critics, to share observations about current behaviors in the college classroom.

It's not clear to the Lu whether the site is gone, down, hacked, engaging in some cyberformance, or whut. But hey (and if you're scrolling through this "Professor," THANKS!) StinkyLulu lurved that site. Took away some of the daily pain of college teaching...

Ahhh, the roiling pit of academentia. Where free speech'll cost ya.

UPDATE: Things seem to be back up & moving ahead for "The Professor"... A good thing.


StinkyLulu Luvs Daniel Vosovic!

Who'da thunk!
Took this little quizlet: Which Project Runway 2 Designer Are You? (Seems Lu missed the link some time ago on Blogging Project Runway but caught it just today, thanks to the amazing Modern Fabulosity.)

Turns out StinkyLu & Daniel Vosovic are a match made!!!
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(Seems that Inez is right after all -- StinkyLu really does have a thing for gangly skinny boys -- preferably with great style, a long neck & a distinctive schnozz.
Hi MrStinky!)

You are Daniel V.:
You're young, fresh and new. You've got a quiet sensibility and know how to listen to your client. People like your modern style and edge. You listen well and execute perfectly. You're going to go as far as you want. It doesn't hurt that you look like you should be fronting a band

And while Lu's on the subject, it's worth noting that

Whew -- good to get that out of one's system...
Well, not quite OUT.
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WOOHOO! (thanks to The Scarlett.)
But Is StinkyLu the only one in the blogospere who approves of this "final four"?


StinkyLulu Word Cloud

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What the internets won't think of next...
A customized "word cloud" t-shirt of/about/from your blog!