The Perils of Pervy Pisspots

The men's room just a few paces from StinkyLulu's office also just happens to be a notorious "cruising" spot on the campus where StinkyLu teaches.

It's a strange situation. It's the bathroom closest to Lulu's office -- the only other john anywhere close by is actually in one of the theatre dressing rooms, and the next-nearest is upstairs and on the opposite side of the building (clocked at a 9-minute roundtrip).

This pervy potty is just across the hall. And not only does Lulu consume vats of Diet Coke on a daily basis, but the fact of Lulu's teensy bladder necessitates frequent visits to the water closet. But it's tough to know how to feel when a simple jaunt across the hall to pee also obviously interrupts someone else's anonymous debauch.

Here, it's worth clarifying: StinkyLulu's never really "gone there" in terms of the whole anonymous bathroom hookup thing (despite the centrality in StinkyLulu's adult life of libraries and college campuses -- some of the only non-truckstopish environs wherein such proclivities continue to flourish). That said, the practice of bathroom homosex has always been the subject -- simultaneously -- of involuntary fascination, vicarious thrill, and intermittent revulsion for StinkyLulu. Plus there's the "strange-but-true" fact that bathroom sex is nearly a primal scene of homosex for the Lu. Way back when Lu was a wee little Stinky, just a Little Lulu as 'twere, StinkyLu stumbled into one of the most legendary homosex bathrooms in Albuquerque: Men's Bathroom, Sears, Coronado Mall, circa 1977-1984. It was around 1980. StinkyLu went in. Noticed that it seemed awful crowded. Stood awkwardly, certain that there was a line for the pisspot that Lu hadn't quite yet recognized. Then a man. In a stall. Wagging his wiener and wiggling his finger. It was -- it seemed clear -- an invitation. To something. Stunned, Lulu fled. (O'course barely a year or so later, Lu realized the nature of the venue & the invite & then proceeded to spend much of a pent-up adolescence mourning the missed opportunity.)

Anyway. The Lu does digress.
Back to the tawdry toilet across the hall.

Started out the school year wanting to be "polite" -- tossing out a gentle "ahem" or loud stomp to warn potential busyboys that a civilian was entering the nasty zone.

Then, ever the student of human behavior, StinkyLulu opted to approach it as something of a research opportunity -- noting evidence of the standard bathroom-sex strategies. (Bags pushed up to conceal the view of the footwell; jackets tossed over the tops of the stall doors -- StinkyLulu fergits what this actually means but Inez once told Lulu it meant sumpthin' to the Tearoom Trade; "tap foot" messages scrawled in the grout; almost over-powering cologne -- don't ask; etcetera, etcetera). Lulu's "clever" research tactic lost its appeal one afternoon when Lu recognized an acquaintance exit the bathroom, trick in tow. Ideals of social-scientific objectivity finally squashed & leaving behind a sticky mess.

Now, it's official: Lulu's just annoyed.
It's not hot. It's not cute. It's not subversive. It's just squicky.
And Lulu just wants to pee.

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