The Phenomena of Duff: Be afraid, be very afraid...

For reasons that seemed to make sense at the time, The Stinkys just this afternoon screened Material Girls, the new film from those superduper stars of the teen scene, Hillary and Haley Duff.
A promising premise, a gaggle of interesting co-stars, Madge's production company -- Material Girls seemed a potentially diverting idiotic poopcorn flick, just the kind The Stinkys like. But. Oh. How wrong The Stinkys were...

Indeed, in all of StinkyLulu's moviegoing history, few stars seem so profoundly capable of killing their own movies than Miss Hillary Duff. (The truly embarassing part is that StinkyLulu's seen most of the girl's filmography. In the theatre. Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results?) Anyway, MrStinky wanted to see something dumb and was intrigued by the Cinderella-in-reverse formula. StinkyLulu was fairly easily persuaded by the film's pedigree: an often interesting director leading a cast that included a Tony nominee, a Tony winner, a Drama Desk nominee, a 1st Runner Up for Miss Venezuela 1975, a nutty 80s comedienne, a kid actor turned indie icon and one of the most reliably thrilling Best Supporting Actress winners of the last several decades. One might think that such a remarkable assemblage of seasoned pros might elevate -- or at least anchor -- this piffle-piece featuring the Duff sisters, Haylie and Hillary. But nooooooo. All are powerless to combat the swirling vortex of suck that is the Duff sisters. Individually, Haylie and Hillary are merely charm-free and completely bereft of screen presence. Together, however, The Duffs are as a black hole, neutralizing whatever humor or charisma nears the vacuum of Duff. It's astonishing -- and incrementally unbearable -- to watch. (And truly, The Stinkys had ample warning of the phenomena of Duff, having screened Hillary's 2004 Raise Your Voice. In that "film", even Heathler Locklear -- she of the uncommon capacity to redeem utter trash -- couldn't find chemistry with Miss Hillary. Shoulda been a big red flag. But noooooooooo. Gluttons, those Stinkys, gluttons.)

Consider yourself warned, lovely reader.
(And if another Duff flick appears on StinkyLulu's screening list, know that an intervention might just be in order.)