One of StinkyLulu's secrets -- not so deep, and not that dark -- is that Lulu's Crafty. Or, more precisely, StinkyLulu's capable of getting real crafty. (Not always a good thing.) And, most frighteningly, StinkyLu is subject to crafty fantasies. (Gratefully, for much of the past decade, StinkyLu's craftiness has been productively diverted toward a nominally respectable craft/obsession: quilting.)

Lately, however, StinkyLulu's been so busy/distracted/delirious -- so much so that quilting's not getting done. At all. And that quilting vacuum creates a somehow dangerous space, makes room for crafty longings, stirs the desire -- yea verily -- roils the lust for such perilous pleasures as vicarious crafting. [Insert ominous music cue here.] Of course this latest faux-hobby is delivered via "idiot box" most mornings & comprises StinkyLu's latest teevee fixation: HGTV's Crafters From Coast To Coast.

It's on HGTV so you know right away it's gonna be really a sorta awful show. But golly it's nifty to wake up to! The preternaturally pert host Angela Martinez (less a "host" than a "random tv-segment wraparounder") introduces 3 crafters/artists from various corners of the country, each of whom -- through the magic of television -- guides the viewer step-by-step through the creation of their signature craft. You get it all: polymer clay perversity, fused glass party games, contempo-heritage candelabras, WTF. It's really the whole kaboodle (& it comes in a kit!).

But the part that Lulu finds particularly enthralling is how these apparently decent folks all seem to have received the same "coaching" prior to filming: BE AS F-U-N AS POSSIBLE! And, really, it can be somewhat alarming to see each these sincere women and men all turn their charm knobs to 11. Puts the erk in perky, the ook in kooky... and yet it's just the kind of trainwreck Lulu loves. The only problem is that it's all kinda hypnotizing...the sincerity mixes with the creativity and combines with the quick editing to show all kinds of things that you can give as gifts or maybe even sell at summer craft fairs and gallery collectives. The only limit's your imagination! (gasp!!! Breathe, Lulu, breathe dammit!)

These are not always the best thoughts to put in Lulu's susceptible noggin, specially right at dawn. Starts Lulu to fantasizing about mod-podging ornamental geegaws into freestanding canine sculptures, or making hairbows out of candy wrappers and safety pins, or even worse.
It's really just not safe. Not at all.

But dang it's good teevee.


your mom said...

So, you can just buy sandblasting equipment? Without, like, a permit or something?

criticlasm said...

That's Crafty! Remind me to tell you a story....