5 Stinky Thoughts on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew 2 - Episode 2: "Detox"

Each week I offer a quick recaplet on the latest episode of the second season of VH1's ongoing experiment in candid celebreality, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew 2. The fun commences this week with Episode 202: "Detox."

Thought #1: Where'd Rodney Go?
Last week I described Rodney as a brittle spectre of a man. This week, he was even more of a ghost, a nearly invisible man haunting the furthest edges of the episode. The previews suggest that we'll soon see more, but -- even with all the familiar Jeff-nonsense and all the Gary-whackadoodleness -- Rodney's presence has haunted each episode in startling ways, like there's yet a big shoe to drop. I'm especially wondering how the rest of the rehabitants will or will not be able to connect with Rodney. So, I guess I'll keep coming back...

Thought #2: Severe Chronic Assholism, Exhibit 2B.
Good golly. That Vikki Lizzi. Just when we think she's taken her last bow before being safely locked down in some distant unit for the Terminally Not Famous...here she comes again, seeking the heat of the spotlight, for a set of uninvited encores. In this single episode, Vikki's high drama reprises comprised their own little three part mini-series. First, we have the basically hilarious romantic tragedy, "Touching Palms Through Frosted Glass" (a heartbreaking melodrama in which all that we see of Vikki is her palm, pressed against the glass, as Jeff and she holler sweet nothings to one another through the door jamb before being interrupted by the Wicked Witch of the Ward, aka The Fabulous Luisha). Then comes the hair-raising sequel, "They Stopped My Xanax," in which Vikki storms the forbidden Celebrity unit in search of her beloved, the barely conscious Jeff. ("All I could think of that I'm doing this for us," Vikki wails before noting, "And you're yawning!") Finally, the most terrifying installment of all: "Vampire Kisses, or I'm Gonna Suck Your Face Off." I know that my rant on Vikki -- that she's a drama-addict always over-behaving as though she's auditioning for the lead in a direct-to-dvd movie based on her own life -- is a familiar one. But this episode, jeepers. Vikki hit newish, pathetic heights in drama-mongering. It's clearly the behavior she relies upon to rationalize her own sustained substance abuse and also what she does to maintain the tight weave of her enmeshment with Jeff and his use. Thus, Vikki earns the spotlight -- for once -- as this week's exhibit in Severe Chronic Assholism.

Thought #3: Moments of Clarity with NurseShelly.
I love how kickass Luisha is, and I'm especially glad that they put a hardass rehab tech on the unit for the evening. (That other guy in the scrubs seems very sweet but, well, whatever.) Yet...as smart, and funny, and savvy as Luisha is: she ain't Shelly. I look forward to falling in love with Luisha, I do. But Shelly is my one true hero. I may crush on Dr. Drew but I want to be Nurse Shelly. And seeing Luisha in action this week helped me appreciate one of Shelly's subtle gifts: Shelly's always asking the Rehabitants questions, even when she's giving them directions. It's sort of like the Platonic method goes therapeutic. (And, sure, everyone sorta does this, but Shelly's really good at it.) When Shelly asks a question (ie. "Could you please give me your phone, Gary?") she does so in a way that both affirms the clear options while also, somehow, leaving the answer entirely up to the Rehabitant. She -- and we -- know what the "right" answer is (ie. "Yes, Shelly, here's my phone.") but somehow Shelly offers each question with little expectation of how the Rehabitant will answer. I love how this interaction style works to help the Rehabitant to take a little ownership of their own actions, even when they're basically doing what they're told. It's a great model for helping folks to relearn how to take simple but conscious action in their earliest days of recovery. Very adept, Shelly, very adept. I love Nurse Shelly.

Thought #4: What I Didn't Need To See.
G-A-R-Y = Grandiose Arrogance Reeducating You. To which I say: No GARY for me, thank you very much. (Though Celebrity Brain Injury Rehab would likely be a really surreal spinoff show. Should we look for it in 2010? And the interview with the shrink was pretty f'n hilarious. As was Tawny's line about "another facility.") I feel bad-ish for the guy, but really: No. GARY. For. Me. Thank. You.

Thought #5: Celebrity Rehab 2's Lessons in Sobriety.
Detox sucks. Or perhaps, given Amber Smith's gruesome experiences featured this week, it might be more apt to put it this way: detox blows. Amber's quickly becoming my favorite this season, sort of like Seth "Shifty" Binzer did on the last merry-go-round. Someone I barely knew before the show, but whose visibly painful (and terrified) journey through rehab made my cruel cynical heart crack open. And Amber's experience of detox this episode was just devastating. (And I must say I'm liking the more measured, explanatory approach to the rehab process demonstrated in this week's episode. This season already feels a little less stunty than the first few episodes last time around, though we are clearly undertaking a necessarily disastrous "outing" soon. I hate it when the Rehabitants go on adventures. Ah well, there will nearly surely be comedy gold. And maybe the police!)

SEE ALSO previous "Stinky Thoughts" on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew 2:
Episode 1 (Premiere).

And, yes, be sure to tune in next week for every addict's favorite thing: MORE!!!

5 Stinky Thoughts on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew 2 - Episode 1: "Premiere"

Each week I offer a quick recaplet on the latest episode of the second season of VH1's ongoing experiment in candid celebreality, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew 2. The fun commences this week with Episode 1: "Premiere."

Thought #1: How 'Bout Those Rehabitants?
Goodness. Gracious. What a batch, eh? And, again, who are these people? Though I feel like I've heard the name Tawny Kitaen forever without ever really knowing what she did to become nominally famous, and though I've long known Gary Busey as one of those actors who supposedly used to be good before he went cuckoo, and though Rodney King likely has the greatest name recognition of all them all, I'm once again struck by how this batch of rehabitants stretches the limits of the very term "celebrity." The Guns'n'Roses guy? That model Amber? And Rod Stewart's kid? (To be fair, I have seen Sean Stewart before but only because of some other weird reality televidiocy thing a year or so back.) And of course, an American Idol also-ran. At this point, Jeff Conaway's Vikki -- aaaaaaack -- is entering the same dimensions of fame as some of these folk. Aside from basic name/face recognition though, I am once again struck by the gruesomeness of the current state of affairs for each of these folks. And while I miss the over-the-top theatricality of Mary Carey's intake last year (not to mention Chyna's hilarious commentary in that first episode), and I'm certainly not looking forward to Jeff's erratic swings between charisma and cruelty, I'm just trusting that I'll warm up to these folks. Already, I'm totally pulling for Nikki and Amber and was surprised to find Tawny to be basically human. I'm flummoxed by the drummer guy, and Sean Stewart seems like a big, mean baby. Jeff is Jeff, and Grandiose Gary seems like he's back on an earthly rotation after a failed bid to be the new cryptkeeper. Yet among them all, I found myself most moved by Rodney, a brittle spectre of a man hovering at the edges of this strange spectacle. This first episode was punctuated by glimpses of Rodney checking out these new digs -- taking a dip in the pool, toying with the equipment in the game room -- quiet gestures underscoring that Rodney, perhaps singly among these rehabitants, has the least experience with the trappings of fame even as he's certainly the most widely "known" among them. His presence offers a potentially fascinating new dimension to this year's series and I'm already fascinated.

Thought #2: Severe Chronic Assholism, Exhibit 2A.
Oh, goodness. So many contenders for this week's title. (For those just tuning in, "Severe Chronic Assholism" is the phrase I use to describe the behavior that emerges when folks rely upon drug-seeking emotional tricks -- bullying, manipulation, aggrievement, righteousness, victimhood, rationalization, emotionalism -- to clear people out of their way so that they can go ahead and do whatever the hell they want.) This week, it might seem that this year's DaBaldwin (Gary Busey) would be the obvious contender. But even as Busey obnoxiously endeavored to become most profoundly irritating person to ever possess my poor teevee, I found one other rehabitant's behaviors more subtly appalling. I am, of course, talking about Sean Stewart, the bratty son of singer Rod Stewart. Why, you ask? Well, it was his dumb, middle-school level, prankster sensibility: assessing his fellow rehabitant's drug history and celebrating it with a "Nice!" or a "Sweet!"; hitting on Amber while telling her he had piss all over his arm (not because he's detoxing, mostly because he's gross); amusing himself by deliberately confusing the already brain-smushed Steven Adler with vaguely racist red herrings about "who" Rodney King actually is. I don't know. Gary Busey is the kind of chronic asshole whose own actions work as a giant flashing sign (Danger! Stay away!) where Sean Stewart seems like a stealthier sort of saboteur, the kind of kid who would feed piles of drugs to a dog, only to giggle wildly as it toxed out, and then profess sweet-faced innocence when confronted after the dog died. Busey may freak me out, but Sean Stewart scares me a little more.

Thought #3: Moments of Clarity with NurseShelly.
Ahhh, Nurse Shelly (well, really, Rehab Tech Shelly, but you know what I mean). I think what I love about Nurse Shelly -- well, that's not right -- one of the many things I love about Nurse Shelly, which I really realized during this episode, is that she's my interpersonal relationship superhero. I watch her and learn little life lessons about how I might better deal with those wackadoos that sometimes cross my path. She ain't perfect and she's doing her job, not necessarily being in relationship with this folks, but I so adore how she does what she does -- bringing a little bit of tough love, a lot of good orderly direction, and a generous dollop emotional presentness to her work with the rehabitants. This week, when confronted with Grandiose Busey (maybe I should just rename him Grandy Busey), when faced with Busey's bald defiance and blatant attempts at intimidation, Shelly didn't back down even when "dismissed" by the crazyman. She was able to do this even though (as we learned in a subsequent interview) Grandy Busey was tapping some of her most vulnerable buttons. We all likely need a role model for how to deal honestly with the difficult, damaged people in or passing through our lives and, with this episode, I guess I realized that's why I so treasure Nurse Shelly. She's my "how to deal with crazy people" role model. I love Nurse Shelly.

Thought #4: What I Didn't Need To See.
Surprise, surprise. What I didn't need to see this week would be the latest installment of the neverending story of the viciously enmeshed enablers, Jeff & Vikki. (Why -- I must ask -- is Vikki wearing a shirt adorned with the word "caca" over her bazooms? An apt enough advertisement I suppose, but why label yourself so?) I swear, these two seem to be really working hard to convince the VH1 folks that they deserve their own spinoff series. I remain fascinated, though only to an extent, by Vikki's seemingly constant, high-drama, bad-actress performance in some imagined movie of her life. In every moment, it seems Vikki's gunning for that Razzie nomination. And, here, adding mom and brother in the mix (was it the editing or was it just me but did anyone else see Vikki's mom give Vikki a camera-ready comfort kiss in exactly the same way on two separate occasions) -- just wow. And, I swear, I don't dislike Vikki exactly, but that moment when she seemed a little uncertain about going to the "other wing" of the Pasadena Recovery Center (that would be the wing without Jeff and/or the VH1 cameras)? That moment when she paused her whole tearful plea for rehab? I wasn't sure whether she was balking at doing rehab without Jeff OR whether she didn't want to do rehab unless she was going to be on camera. Either way - ew.

Thought #5: Celebrity Rehab 2's Lessons in Sobriety.
My heart went out to Tawny when, unknowingly, she approached Grandy Busey to make "getting to you know you" chatter and suddenly got caught in the crossfire of his crazy. Then, when she graciously extricated herself from the Busey-wreck, and tentatively approached Rodney, he scurried past her in some cracky search for some water. She then turned and, to the camera, observed with a sweet awkwardness: "This is going to be tough." Indeed, it is, sister -- indeed, it is, and this first episode is only ever a mere hint of all that's to come. So, off we go, lovelies, into the delicious crazy town that is Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew 2... SO glad to have you all aboard.

And please do share your first impressions in comments, beloveds.
Perhaps one of you can clue me in as to what the HELL was in the Busey's suitcase?
Did he just rob a laundromat? Did he use those highlighters to stick people up?
And why didn't he do his laundry while he was there?
OH! - and WHAT did you think of Amber's mom?
I certainly hope hope hope we get much more of her...
And were there always so many pussycats hanging around the PRC?
I love how they're now the face of silent judgement on the show...

And, yes, be sure to tune in next week for every addict's favorite thing: MORE!!!

5 Stinky Thoughts on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew - Episode 10: "Reunion"

Each week, for the last ten weeks, I have offered a quick recaplet of the latest episode of the VH1 experiment in candid celebreality, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. It's been quite an adventure, and the fun concludes this week with episode 10, "Reunion."

Thought #1: How 'Bout That Reunion?
In the week that's passed since this reunion show first aired, I've been at a near total loss in terms of how to approach this recaplet. Of course, it's a reunion show, so it's necessarily a different kind of episode with different threads and a different set of concerns. I waffled about whether to go off the "5 Stinky Thoughts" template. I considered doing a "rehabitant roll call" in which I went through each member of the cast and offered my final thoughts. I thought about just writing a little essay about the whole series. I contemplated just doing a collection of quotes and screencaps (where else would I be able to fit my joke about Bob looking a Peanuts character). But, ultimately, I determined to finish out the series as I had engaged it the whole time, 5 Stinky Thoughts at a time. If there's a massive outpouring of interest to do the roll call or the essay or whatever, I might try that, but for now: how 'bout that Reunion? I have to say I'm so glad they did the show, as the accumulation of divergent experiences presented what is, I think, the most realistic portrait of the whole sobriety process as depicted by the series. Sobriety is hard. People make choices. People take risks. People relapse. Sometimes the authorities are involved. None of which is evidence that these are bad people; rather, it's all evidence of how cunning, baffling and powerful addictive and compulsive habits are.

Thought #2: The Exact Opposite of Severe Chronic Assholism.
I just have to give it up for Dr.Drew's formidable hostessing abilities. I'm especially impressed by his stealthy redeployment of the crazy "reunion" subgenre of VH1's "celebreality" toward a vibe of clarity and generosity. Talk about setting the tone, sir. Yes, the whole fandango might have tended toward a "shiny happy people" version of the story. Sure, the "we love you Dr.Drew" montage was a little weird. True, the whole reunion pitched a little bit toward the careful fortification of the "Dr.Drew" brand, with a clear eye toward future seasons of Celebrity Rehab or something similar. All that being said, I remain consistently impressed with Dr.Drew's ability to remain human and humane in the crazy glare of D-List celebrity. And, yes, if he headlines another show, I'll probably be watching.

Thought #3: Moments of Clarity with NurseShelly.
I'm only sorry they didn't craft a special "Moments of Clarity with NurseShelly" Montage for my giddy delight. But 'twas nice to see Ricco and Jaimee acknowledge their "assholic" lapses to NurseShelly. Yet, for much of the 90-minutes, I was concerned that NurseShelly would coast a little below the radar, holding her tongue out of either respect or shyness. But then, about halfway through, our Moment of Clarity with NurseShelly arrived in the form of a gorgeous outburst of tough love for Seth - a beautiful, heartfelt, intense expression of serious, realistic concern. Behold the power of NurseShelly. I love NurseShelly.

Thought #4: What I Didn't Need To See.
In a word: Jeff. With this reunion special, it's official: I am so "over" Jeff. Yeah, he's sick. Yeah, he's smart. Yeah, he's charismatic. Yeah, he's got surgeries. Yeah yeah yeah. But until he actually gets clean, I really just don't want to hear it. (Nor do I need to witness DrDrew's weird little mancrush on that shrieking, loony old coot in the wheelchair.) Obviously, Jeff's got something truly marvelous in the way of empathy and charisma of which I'd love to get to see more. When. He's. Sober. But cripes. I really don't need to spend anymore time with Junkie Jeff or Ikki Vikki (though, together, they're certainly a much more entertaining trainwreck as a team than they are as singular disasters). I maintain a faint glimmer of hope that Jeff will find his way to being clean (and actually crave the opportunity to see him join Celebrity Rehab 2 as a success story or somesuch) but, until that happens, I'm done.

Thought #5: Celebrity Rehab's Lessons in Sobriety.
I have my fingers crossed for all the rehabitants. I want them all to be ok. I do. But I do have my favorites, the ones I'm really pulling for. Like Mary, who I adore. Like Jessica, who I've battled with (in my own imagination) but who I've come to really care about. Like Ricco even, who stands out as the person whose transformation seems most fundamental. But of them all, the person I think about in weird in-between moments of my day? Seth. I am so rooting for Seth "Shifty" Binzer. His revelation of his relapse? The single most genuinely moving moment of the series for me, even more than "Mary does Ballet." And that made me realize how invested I've become in these bozos. I will surely be genuinely sad if/when I hear about their inevitable relapses. But with Seth, I'll likely be pretty devastated. How does that happen? How do we come to care so about people we barely know? I don't know but it's part of how sobriety works and I remain astonished about how effectively this lame reality show has captured some of the core emotional truths of the process. So, Seth, StinkyLulu's pulling for your crazy ass. And same goes for you, Mary Ellen. And Jessica, Ricco and Brigitte. You, too, Jaimee. Same for you, Joanie. And Jeff. And even DaBaldwin. My prayers are there for you all. Sobriety can be a giant pain in the ass, but it's always better than the alternative. Blessings, rehabitants - and, as they say, thanks for sharing and keep coming back.

But please share on your final thoughts in comments, beloveds.
SEE ALSO previous "Stinky Thoughts" on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew:
Episode 1 ("Intake")
Episode 2 ("Detox")
Episode 3 ("New Arrival")
Episode 4 ("Sex & Trauma")
Episode 5 ("Bye Bye Baldwin")
Episode 6 ("Friends and Family")
Episode 7 ("Retreat")
Episode 8 ("Graduation")
Episode 9 ("Finale")

What was your favorite moment from the Reunion? From the series? And would you watch Celebrity Rehab 2?

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew Finale - Moment of Serenity

Alas.
The duties of my day job have once again intervened
to delay my recaplet of this extraordinary televisual event:

My recaplet will be posted in the coming days.
For now, I offer my favorite moment of serenity from the show:
"Under the Blanket with Dr. Drew."

Mmmmmmmmm.

But in the meantime...

SEE ALSO previous "Stinky Thoughts" on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew:
Episode 1 ("Intake")
Episode 2 ("Detox")
Episode 3 ("New Arrival")
Episode 4 ("Sex & Trauma")
Episode 5 ("Bye Bye Baldwin")
Episode 6 ("Friends and Family")
Episode 7 ("Retreat")
Episode 8 ("Graduation")
Episode 9 ("Finale")

5 Stinky Thoughts on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew - Episode 9: "Finale"

Each week I offer a quick recaplet on the latest episode of the new VH1 experiment in candid celebreality, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. The fun continues this week with episode 9, "Finale."

Thought #1: How 'Bout That Red Carpet?
In a series loaded with bad/lame ideas from the producers (Catalina? Pool Party? You name it...), the red carpet staging of the "Coining Out Ceremony" proved a mostly interesting drama container. I especially appreciated how the "sober-living-is-the-only-way" mantra was complicated, productively, by the rehearsal of alternative post-rehab sobriety plans (ie. outpatient treatment, "90-Meetings-in-90-Days", intense 1-on-1 therapy). There are all kinds of ways to get sober, some of which you don't have to pay for, and it was nice that this episode -- after months of being basically a commercial for residential rehab -- did acknowledge some of the other paths of recovery. I also thought the graduation was cute, with the rehab techs all dressed up along one side. (Side note: why didn't we get to know the black woman rehab tech? I only really remember her as Jeff's designated handler/animal trainer. I got the impression that William did nights and NurseShelly did days, so what about this other lady?) Anyway, I first thought the whole GrandPapaDrew-delivers-sobriety-diplomas was going to be lame but, here, I was surprised that it proved as dynamic and fruitful staging device.

Thought #2: Severe Chronic Assholism?
An aspect of "Severe Chronic Assholism" which commenter Beth has called me on is how I use "Severe Chronic Assholism" as way to express my annoyance with people. Which I have done, and will likely continue to do. But this week, I had a lot of empathy for everyone as they "acted out." Everyone's clearly very frightened and (with the exception of Seth who's totally clear on what he's doing and thus able to be calm about it) everyone's fairly frightened , either of disappointing DrDrew and/or being challenged by him for making their own choice. All of which reminded me of a crucial part of what I call "Severe Chronic Assholism." For me, "Severe Chronic Assholism" most essentially describes the drug-seeking behaviors that survive abstinence and pop up in vulnerable moments of sobriety, often as cues that the person is getting ready to "use" again (if not their drug of choice, then some other way to "check out" of the moment). In my use of the phrase, I am also usually talking about when someone uses the same behaviors they used to get people out of their way so they could do their drug of choice -- bullying, rationalization, aggrievement, righteousness, victimhood, etc -- using those same behaviors to get people out of their way so they can get their way. And this week, I think we saw this aspect of "Severe Chronic Assholism" in Jaimee's agitated willfulness (especially about that horrible "no TV after midnight" rule), which DrDrew seemed right to be concerned about, as well as Mary's anxious, people-pleasing equivocations. Addiction rehearses people in being assholes, and those habits are sometimes nearly as hard to break as the drinking/drugging.

Thought #3: Moments of Clarity with NurseShelly.
Of course, the perfect NurseShelly moment came when all the Rehabitants had left the building and, surveying their residual wreakage, NurseShelly wistfully observes: "This place is still a mess. Unbelievable." But the truly best NurseShelly moment came, unsurprisingly, from Ricco (whose love-hate relationship with NurseShelly really warrants its own video mashup). During his goodbye testimonial, Ricco offered his thanks to everyone in the facility, "Even Shelly the Shark." He went on to address the group ("She's always got the answers and that's why I don't like her") before turning again to NurseShelly to say, "I owe you an apology but, at the same time, I want to thank you for being so tough on me." And then Ricco started to cry. For reals. Behold the power of NurseShelly. I love NurseShelly.

Thought #4: What I Didn't Need To See.
While I thought the "Coining Out Ceremony" was full of genuinely interesting stuff, the fact that the producers clearly seem to have rehearsed the Rehabitants in framing their outgoing testimonies. All simply to amplify the suspense of the reveal. In particular, I found the heavily teased MaryEllen/DrDrew smackdown to be especially tedious. But whatever. I suppose I should cut the producers some slack. They clearly thought they were doing a rehab edition of Celebrity Fit Club or something like Surreal Life Goes to Rehab when this thing warranted a whole 'nother genre. But between the tricksy chronologies, bad idea scenarios, and conspicuous drama-stirring, the inelegant, inexpert and ill-advised producerly shenanigans remain the only truly sub-par features of this strangely compelling show.

Thought #5: Celebrity Rehab's Lessons in Sobriety.
I caught a snippet of a Tyra episode last Friday in which she featured DrDrew and some of the Rehabitants reporting on some of their experiences post rehab. All I can say is, "wowza" (especially to Jessica, who seemed completely, beautifully transformed and who has one heckuva post-Celebrity Rehab tale to tell). So, I confess to watching this episode with some additional information, all of which makes me more obsessed with the 90-minute (!) reunion special set to air tomorrow night. And that awareness really does underscore what seems to be this episode's lesson in sobriety: no matter how many tools a rehab -- or a therapist, or a 12-step program, or a therapist, or a spiritual path, or whatever -- no matter how many tools an addict is given to accomplish the day-to-day work of sobriety, it's up to the recovering addict to use those tools. It takes what it takes for each individual to discover their route to true personal recovery and this episode underscores just how complex and challenging that journey is. But all I can say is: bring on the drama of the reunion! I can't wait!!!

But please bring on your drama in comments, beloveds.
SEE ALSO previous "Stinky Thoughts" on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew:
Episode 1 ("Intake")
Episode 2 ("Detox")
Episode 3 ("New Arrival")
Episode 4 ("Sex & Trauma")
Episode 5 ("Bye Bye Baldwin")
Episode 6 ("Friends and Family")
Episode 7 ("Retreat")
Episode 8 ("Graduation")
And be sure to tune in on Friday for every addict's favorite thing: MORE!!!

5 Stinky Thoughts on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew - Episode 8: "Graduation"

Each week I offer a quick recaplet on the latest episode of the new VH1 experiment in candid celebreality, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. The fun continues this week with episode 8, "Graduation."

Thought #1: How 'Bout That NurseShelly?
Finally, we get the episode we've been craving. 'Twas nearly all NurseShelly all the time -- beginning with gossip in the teacher's lounge, then sitting in on Dr.Drew's declaration in group, before leading the cleanup detail (much to the assholic chagrin of Jaimee and Jessica, not to mention some precious doorslamming from Ricco - see item 2 below) and a group discussion of transition (where Ricco, again, had a precious moment). But that wasn't all: then NurseShelly shared part of her own gruesome story of addiction with the gang and conducted a 1-on-1 bullshit-detector session with Joanie/Chyna. (Though, with her revolving outfits, it seemed clear that the production snagged moments over several days to create this Shelly tribute episode.) For me, along with MrToughLove Bob, NurseShelly always brings a welcome whiff of honesty to the rehabitant shenanigans, and 'twas nice to hunker down into so much real-ish stuff this week with NurseShelly. (But, of course, that made for perhaps the most emotionally intense episode so far -- or was that just me?)

Thought #2: Severe Chronic Assholism, Exhibit G.
Ever the contender, this week's prize has to go to Ricco Rodriguez who more than earns the honor with his rant about "if I believed the statistics." Yeah, dude, we know, you're special. Every addict struggles with terminal uniqueness to some extent but, when a bully like Ricco -- who's inclined to get physical at the slightest provocatiion -- does, it's especially unattractive. But what really cinched Ricco's acknowledgment this week was his cute little performance before he slammed the door on NurseShelly. Nice, Ricco, nice. (Though the scenario also provided what might be the quote of the week: "Why is it little f'n white women wanna f*** with me all the time." Oh Ricco, Ricco, Ricco...)

Thought #3: Moments of Clarity with NurseShelly.
That unmanagability discussion with Joanie/Chyna? Just delightful. Especially in that NurseShelly might have just laid the foundation for Joanie/Chyna to actually "get it" & break through her denial about her own behavior. And then with the brilliantly incongruous line: "A lot of people have accidents. People wake up dead, and they didn't mean to." Part of what I love about Shelly is that, even when she doesn't make sense, she makes total sense. I love NurseShelly.

Thought #4: What I Didn't Need To See.
With Vikki and Jeff out the picture, and with Mary's digestive system apparently adjusting to the food in rehab, we've remarkably few shocking &/or skeevy moments to reflect upon this week. Yet, I must say my "issues" with Jessica flared again this week when Little Missy was (a) trash-talking NurseShelly ("She better take her f'n attitude somewhere else, cuz I'm not gonna deal with it - I haven't done nothing to her" -- except make a big hot drama mess for her to clean up) but especially when she was (b) so awful describing the women who came to talk to her about her mother. I realize she's challenged, threatened, and emotionally vulnerable but it seems so typically Jessica to be so cruelly indignant about other people as a way to situate herself as the righteously aggrieved one in the scenario. (Thank golly for Jessica's sweet, savvy and empathetic gramma who talked Little Missy off her self-aggrandizing victim ledge.) This ep really showed how deeply Jessica's a scared, stubborn creature who's absolutely confident in her beliefs that no one will truly look out for her. It's sad, yes, but also annoying to watch her act out on other people.

Thought #5: Celebrity Rehab's Lessons in Sobriety.
This episode, at some level, is all about one of the most difficult lessons of sobriety: you're never "better" -- maintenance of sobriety takes both daily vigilance and daily diligence. Which is rarely fun. Which is especially tough to accept when, like many of our lovely rehabitants, you've been able to coast on the glory of past accomplishments. It seems to me that the freakouts and meltdowns on all sides this week are mostly about folks' fears about whether these rehabitants are willing and able to do the work necessary to maintain their sobriety. 'Tis a scary proposition, indeed...

But please share your drama in comments, beloveds.
SEE ALSO previous "Stinky Thoughts" on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew:
Episode 1 ("Intake")
Episode 2 ("Detox")
Episode 3 ("New Arrival")
Episode 4 ("Sex & Trauma")
Episode 5 ("Bye Bye Baldwin")
Episode 6 ("Friends and Family")
Episode 7 ("Retreat")
And be sure to tune in next week for every addict's favorite thing: MORE!!!

(Though please be patient for what will almost certainly be a publication delay, as I will be traveling and might not be able to catch the episode upon first broadcast.)

5 Stinky Thoughts on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew - Episode 5: "Retreat"

Each week I offer a quick recaplet on the latest episode of the new VH1 experiment in candid celebreality, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. The fun continues this week with episode 7, "Retreat."

Thought #1: How 'Bout That Chaos?
Just one week after what might have been the most effective episode of the series -- last week's concentrated depiction of the challenges wrought by the "Friends and Family" weekend -- this week's episode, brings things back into the generalized chaos of a reality series trying to cram too much drama into too few episodes. Several notable things happened in this week's ep, each of which -- with a better production company/contract or a longer run -- might have enough to focus an entire episode. There was Ricco's admission to his core addiction: gambling. (Ricco's being a thrill-seeking adrenaline-junkie makes absolute sense. Drugs and alcohol are amplifying/medicating accessories; the grandiosity and "terminally unique" secrecy are self-protective rationalizations. His real high is the "how much can I get away with?", a whole 'nother kind of scary.) Ricco's stuff could have made for a whole episode, as could the idiotic Catalina venture (which, in contrast to the sober living coffee house talent show, was just full of bad behavior). And then there was Jeff's departure, which was nothing interesting in and of itself (everyone had seen it before and was now done with trying to convince him to stay) but which seemed to have interesting consequences in terms of chaos. (Like, for example, the idiocy of the foodfight which occasioned one of the more astonishing visuals from the entire series: An overhead shot of Shifty play-snorting a pile of Cap'n Crunch from the surface of a picnic table emblazoned with a "Celebrity Rehab" tag.) Might have been nice to see how the group dynamic actually recalibrated once the "real addict" in the house left. There was a lot going on in this episode and, unfortunately, we didn't get to see much of it because everything was happening too fast to clear the deck for next week's finale.

Thought #2: Severe Chronic Assholism, Exhibit F.
A few contenders here. Ricco's "Jump Off The Boat & Giggle When Four Law Enforcement Agencies Arrive" schtick. Shifty's "Food fights are fun, fuck the cleanup" nonsense. Utterly typical displays of the addict's basic adolescent immaturity, their thoughtlessly self-serving actions effecting others in ways they neither know nor care about. But I think I must give this week's "Severe Chronic Assholism" nod to Jessica's aggrieved adolescent act that hit full-throttle this week as "what's next" began to loom on the horizon. To be sure, Ricco, Shifty and Jessica were all behaving like immature brats. What distinguished Jessica's actions this week is how much work she did to make sure everything was everyone else's fault. It's a noxious ploy: to manipulate the circumstances so that it's everyone else's fault that that you choose to use. CounselorBob and DrDrew called her on this poop but, amidst the many tangled narrative threads of this episode, Jessica's assholism seemed on near constant display.

Thought #3: Moments of Clarity with NurseShelly.
Alas, overstuffing this episode had the devastating consequence of nearly cutting NurseShelly out entirely. Some of our few glimpses comes during wake up calls. Sad sad sad. Proving one of the simple truths of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew: an episode without NurseShelly is an episode without serenity. Luckily, NurseShelly does show up briefly to give Jeff a little reality check grimace when he confirmed that Vikki would not be adjusting her drug use when Jeff returned home. Thank you, Nurse Shelly. (We also got a cute moment of clarity from NurseIcyHot -- bringing up the rear as he tends to do. As the rehabitants were dancing like crazed "self-willing" monkeys during their food fight, NurseIcyHot noted how much he loved them. I'm sure they love you too, NurseIcyHot, I'm sure they love you too. I just love NurseShelly more.)

Thought #4: What I Didn't Need To See.
Jessica singing. The number at the coffee house was one thing. (Didja happen to notice how much Shifty loved Jessica's song? And what did MaryEllen and Jaimee perform? If they performed monologues from one of their movies and VH1 didn't air their dramatic arts, I'll be really peeved. I mean, they took a curtain call -- what did they perform?) But, no, the most uncomfortable spectacle of the episode was perhaps Jessica singing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall". In a tiny cabin on the boat to Catalina. To herself in the mirror. I might just have discovered a new feature of my own personal vision of hell. AI also-rans singing campsongs in perpetuity... Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Thought #5: Celebrity Rehab's Lessons in Sobriety.
This episode, at some level, is all about the addict's inclination toward self-sabotage -- how one of the hardest things about sobriety is learning to live a different way without one's drug of choice. Because sobriety (and the emotional clarity it brings) is stark, new, and absolutely terrifying, an addict often lapses to the familiarity of the same old cycle of addictive bullshit. Your life may be a giant swirling pot of suckage, but at least it's YOUR swirling pot of suckage -- a giant swirling pot of suckage you know well. It's sad to watch the rehabitants freak out and make lame, occasionally dangerous, spectacles of themselves but it's par for the course... And it looks like the drama just escalates in preparation for next week's finale (when, it seems, both Dr.Drew and NurseShelley cry -- I can't wait!)

But please share your drama in comments, beloveds.
SEE ALSO previous "Stinky Thoughts" on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew:
Episode 1 ("Intake")
Episode 2 ("Detox")
Episode 3 ("New Arrival")
Episode 4 ("Sex & Trauma")
Episode 5 ("Bye Bye Baldwin")
Episode 6 ("Friends and Family")
And be sure to tune in next week for every addict's favorite thing: MORE!!!

5 Stinky Thoughts on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew - Episode 6: "Friends and Family"

Each week I offer a quick recaplet on the latest episode of the new VH1 experiment in candid celebreality, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. The fun continues this week with episode 6, "Family and Friends."

Thought #1: How 'Bout That Jaimee?
Finally. Jaimee came out of her shell, going gangbusters (with a lil bit of gangsta) after spending two-thirds of the series almost completely under the radar. For the most part, the basic premise of the episode (a "Family Weekend" in which the rehabitants's nearest and dearest join in their process of recovery) seemed to trigger Jaimee's dormant case of the "Fuck Its." What started things, though, was Jaimee standing up to Jeff's raging threats to leave rehab. At first I was impressed with Jaimee's capacity for tough love/loving detachment. Her resistance to Jeff's loud manipulations was solid. But then Jaimee started biting back at NurseShelly, offering her own drama-stirring threat to "fuck that bitch up." As things wore on, it became clear: the pressure to perform for her family/friends is possibly Jaimee's biggest trigger to act out, whether through attitude, porn or pot smokage. Ultimately, the exercise that concluded the episode (where the rehabitants had to do "service" - which in celebrity land I guess means "be the server" at an upscale restaurant) gave Jaimee a way out by giving her a specific role to perform for her family. She got into the service and was able to perform a role for her family that was not destructive, but I suspect this set of outbursts just underscores how much Jaimee's challenges come from her set of people, places and things... (Insert requisite Family Matters crack here.) Still, 'twas nice to finally see her near the center of an episode.

Thought #2: Severe Chronic Assholism, Exhibit E.
'Spose the reason Jeff was the only one able to call DaBaldwin out on his assholism is that Jeff's own case of assholism is itself fairly evolved. This episode's manifestation -- like DaBaldwin's final aria -- seemed to be about fix-seeking, using assholism to stage a high drama departure as a means of expediting the asshole's access to the fix of choice. This round of Jeff's bout with his assholic tendencies was less an aria and more a loud pop-rock song, with a chorus/refrain about Jeff not wanting to be a "barking dog" anymore. He first started singing it at full bellow, berating each member of the staff for not getting the memo that Jeff didn't have to go to the dentist. Then, came a extended set of verses singing his threats to leave rehab because he had been cut off of prescription painkillers (which occasioned a series of duets/confrontations with the other rehabitants). All of which required a yet another intervention/coda from DrDrew to talk Jeff off the ledge. All told, this exhibit of Severe Chronic Assholism demonstrated just how exhausting the addict's high drama performances are. When you're causing NurseShelley and DrDrew and Brigitte to burnout? That's a wowza. But, as always, Jeff's still in rehab and it's only a matter of time before his assholism inspires another bravura performance.

Thought #3: Moments of Clarity with NurseShelley.
Between Jaimee's acting out and the extended Jeff-drama, this episode contained a whole array of Moments of Clarity with NurseShelle. The funniest was NurseShelly's reaction when Jeff said, with complete sincerity, "I don't usually go around yelling." NurseShelly's expression? Just priceless. Then, the next morning after Jeff worked over the entire rehab with his threats to leave, NurseShelly's making her wake-up rounds. She pauses, turns to the camera, and wonders, "Hmmm. Let's see. Shall we wake him up? Ehhhhhhhhhh -- I need to pray some more. I'll be right back." Then, we see NurseShelly doing a quick morning meditation before she returns, freshly serene, to greet a newly gentle, humble and courteous Jeff. I love NurseShelly.

Thought #4: What I Didn't Need To See.
Chyna's so not playing this rehab game. And that made for an awkward, and ultimately deeply sad, turn of events for family day. Since Chyna/Joanie refused to invite anyone to be her guest for "Family Weekend," it seems the producers or someone just as clever had the bright idea to invite Barry Williams (of The Brady Bunch) -- who happens to have some undetermined, passing acquaintance with Chyna -- to deliver some tough love. The whole thing just made me sad for Chyna that she's so opted out of the rehab process. But, worse, it makes me sad for me that I had to watch some "Below the D-list" famewhoring as part of the "Family Weekend." Why couldn't they have gotten Joanie's great friend/mentor "Hef"? (Oh, yeah, his reality show is on E!, not vh1). Or if we must suffer additional lame celebrity famewhoring, couldn't it have been -- oh -- Jackie Stallone coming to mend things with Brigitte? Or Jaleel White checking up on Jaimee? But, no, all Joanie (and, by extension, me) got was Barry Williams complaining that Joanie/Chyna ruined one of his Vegas gigs. Not helpful. (And of course, no "What I Didn't Need To See" is complete without at least a quick Vikki Lizzi report: Vikki made one of her, by now, routine appearances: vaguely stoned, desperately interested in preserving her option to drink, not responsible for anything, and ready to make drama. Oh Vikki Vikki Vikki... Sigh.)

Thought #5: Celebrity Rehab's Lessons in Sobriety.
Two visitors to the rehab this week underscored the simple, but easily forgotten, truth that an addict's addiction is actually a relationship, an abusive and controlling relationship that will take precedence over all other relationships in the addict's life. Seeing both Seth's implausibly adorable son as well as Mary's tragically vulnerable mother provides a luminous reminder that addiction destroys the addict's ability to be in relationship with anyone, even those who offer unconditional love. The addict may yet have relationships in their life, but the addict's ability to contribute to those relationships remains conscribed by the addict's primary commitment to their drug of choice. And (re)learning the ability to be in heathful relationship is perhaps the most challenging work of recovery. Watching Seth with his son, seeing Mary with her mother -- luminous glimpses of hope that Mary and Seth might be on their way to recovery. Here's to hope.

But please do "share" your thoughts in comments, beloveds.
SEE ALSO previous "Stinky Thoughts" on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew:
Episode 1 ("Intake")
Episode 2 ("Detox")
Episode 3 ("New Arrival")
Episode 4 ("Sex & Trauma")
Episode 5 ("Family and Friends")
And be sure to tune in next week for every addict's favorite thing: MORE!!!